Monday, November 2, 2020

When you get to know a fellow.....

 Have you ever heard of a poet named Edgar A. Guest?  He was one of my mom's favorite authors!  We have a copy of the little book she treasured and it is copyrighted 1942.  Some people might say the poem is a bit outdated, but I beg to differ in today's environment - in our country and our world.

The poem that anchored her life was:  "When you get to know a fellow" and I want to share it with each of you.  I would like to offer you the possibility of a new thought process to be created in your mind.  To open your heart to discovering that someone you may not like, has qualities that may be hidden.  And that each of us is a child of God.  Like it or not, God created them in His image and they deserve our respect and love.

"When you get to know a fellow, know his joys and know his cares,

When you've come to understand him and the burdens that he bears,

When you've learned the fight he's making and the troubles in his way,

Then you find that he is different than you thought him yesterday.

You find his faults are trivial and there's not so much to blame

In the brother that you jeered at when you only knew his name.

You are quick to see the blemish in the distant neighbor's style,

You can point to all his errors and may sneer at him the while,

And your prejudices fatten and your hates more violent grow

As you talk about the failures of the man you do not know,

But when drawn a little closer, and your hands and shoulders touch,

You find the traits you hated really don't amount to much.

When you get to know a fellow, know his every mood and whim,

You begin to find the texture of the splendid side of him;

You begin to understand him, and you cease to scoff and sneer,

For with understanding always prejudices disappear.

You begin to find his virtues and his faults you cease to tell, 

For you seldom hate a fellow when you know him very well.

When next you start in sneering and your phrases turn to blame,

Know more of him you censure than his business and his name;

For it's likely that acquaintance would your prejudice dispel

And you'd really come to like him if you knew him very well.

When you get to know a fellow and you understand his ways,

Then his faults won't really matter, for you'll find a lot to praise."


The beautiful part about this poem is that my mom truly lived her life this way. Every day.

She did not judge others by the color of their skin, their race, their religion or their culture.  Nor did she judge someone by their behavior.  She always had a way of accepting the other person just as they were and she embraced them!  Warts and all!!!

Having had a brother with Spina Bifida and all the jeering that Jack and their family received because of his disability back in the 1930's and 1940's, my mom learned to  offer the benefit of the doubt to others in every situation she encountered.  She walked that mile in someone else's shoes before giving any criticism or judgement - IF she ever had criticism at all.

Virginia "Jill" Hake was an amazing woman to grow up with!  She taught all four of us kids forgiveness from the day we were born. When any one of us got in trouble, we were reprimanded and sent to our rooms and told: "When you are ready to say you are sorry, you may come downstairs."

Wow! Think of that!  No matter what we did, we were offered forgiveness at the bottom of those stairs!  We were given love despite our grievances.  And, Mom always had a huge hug waiting for us as we sat in her lap and told her we were sorry.  Amazing........

How do you say "Thank you" to someone who gave you everything?  Who taught you to love beyond degrees.  Who gave you the time and space to allow you to grow and learn and find joy in your deepest sorrow? How do you say "Thank you" for giving you a unique perspective and outlook on life through the way she lived her life?

How do you say "Thank you" for sharing the Road to Emmaus along this journey called life?

For teaching forgiveness from the day we were born?

It may seem impossible, however, when you have a mom who lives for God, for her children and grandchildren, and her family - it is easy!

I thank God every day for this poem and the gift that our mom gave us in this unique way of thinking, acting and reacting.  She actually taught us to RESPOND instead of reacting.   We learned to respond in love, respond in joy, and respond in kindness.  

Every day, we each have a choice to react negatively or to respond in love and mercy and yes, grace.  Compassion exuded from her!  How about you?  Could you "Get to know a fellow???"

Try it - it will make a world of difference  in your life and in this crazy world!