From Harsh to Marshmellow heart....

 At the end of a person's life, how is that person to be defined?  Is it by skill, intellect, personality, emotions (or lack thereof), career, status, finances, material items, religious preference, family of origin, # of kids or siblings, personal habits, physical strength, character traits, motivation or perception?

Then, of course, comes the question:  How does one WANT to be remembered?  Would the words loving, caring, giving, generous, hospitable, always helpful, or sweet come to mind?  OR, would people remember a harsh, stern, bully, tyrant, unreasonable, hard core or "always had to be right" type of person come to mind?

Whatever the perception is, that is what permeates the description in our heads and hearts.  It lingers....

Think about it - if this were your funeral, what would you want people to say about you?

Would you want them to walk a mile in someone else's shoes attitude?  Would you want people to realize who you really were instead of perception and their beliefs?  Would you be judgmental or gracious in your estimation?

If we've had a negative experience with someone important in our life, can we choose to become willing to extend grace?  Even after that person is gone?  Can we grow, learn  and have courage to face those feelings?  Can we forgive someone who has hurt us deeply?  Absolutely.  But it is a process.  We must choose to forgive.

The last 5 years has been extremely interesting in my relationship with Jerry Spencer.  We became friends....commrades.  We learned a lot about each other.  It's funny:  years ago, I told people the best part about my divorce (if there could be something like that!) was never speaking to Jerry Spencer again.  His words could be crushing.  Ironically, we have become very close and we talked often.  And I am grateful for this relationship in my life.

We shared our hurts, our frustrations, our feelings, and our successes and our failures. But most of all, we shared our faith!  We talked a lot about how the Holy Spirit is so essential in our lives and in our prayers.

We prayed for each other and our families.  We cried together and laughed together.  NEVER in a million years would I have dreamed we would become close!  The last time I spoke to Jerry was the day before Mother's Day.  I will miss his calls and the beautiful, poignant cards he send me each year.  He never missed a birthday, Christmas or Mother's day.  And the cards always arrived exactly on the day!  And, he always thought of me as family.

The biggest thing I learned about Jerry was how much he loved each one of his family!!!  How often he prayed for them and cried over them.  He admitted his mistakes and asked the Lord for forgiveness.  And, he received it:  I John 1 says:  "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  Sounds too simple, doesn't it?  But that is they way the Lord designed it.  Confession.  Forgiveness.  Giving it all to Jesus!

Jerry tried with all his heart to seek forgiveness and put things straight as best he could.  He wanted to stere each one that he loved to a better place, to make better choices, to be wiser in their decisions.  His intentions were PURE GOLD.  And, it was all for love.

Romans 8:37-39 says:  "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  This is one of my life verses that anchors me. I read it for my beloved Grandfather " Gramps" and I read it now for Jerry.

The ultimate act of love is forgiveness...It's why Christ died on the Cross....for you, for me.

Have you ever watched the movie:  I Can Only Imagine or listened to that song?  I've watched it so many times that I've love count.  And I have wept over the relationships that were similar.  The movie is about relationships and how hurtful experiences can keep people apart - for years!  But, it is also about Redemption!!!  And, I believe today is about redemption.

Relationships CAN be healed...

Forgiveness CAN be extended...

Each one of us CAN offer and receive forgiveness  OR it can be withheld and relationships ruined.

What I learned the most about Jerry in the past 5 years was that his heart was in the right place.

Picture a HUGE Marshmellow Bouncey House!  It's squishy, it's pliable....one can land in a soft place....and it can be a place of JOY!

Jerry could be extremely difficult to deal with at times, but oh how he loved us and wanted the best for each of us!!!  That's why he pushed so hard....

If you haven't come to terms with your relationship with Jerry, then you haven't looked at the reason he existed. LOVE.  Pure and simple.

He couldn't  (or didn't ) say it in his earlier years, but once Christ go ahold of his heart, he pursued his love for the Lord 1st and then his love for his family.  Jerry did everything he could to make amends and be a pillar of strength for each of us.

He asked me once way back in 1986 when he first became a "Born again" Christian:

"Why can't my kids say "I love you" back to me?  My answer was:  "Perhaps because they did not hear it from you for the first 26 years of their lives....Maybe, if you keep telling them for the NEXT 26 years, they will believe you!"  With tears in his eyes, he then asked:  "Do you really think it will take that long?"  And, I answered:  "Only the Lord knows their hearts and yours."

Search your heart.....Then, picture and huge Marshmellow heart....that is/was Jerry's heart for each of you!!!

He loved you so........

All for Love

I have been asked to speak at a MOPS (Moms of Pre-schoolers) group on the topic of "All for Love."  So, it got me thinking about how we define love in today's world.  What exactly is love in your own heart and mind? 

Is it a feeling? An intense affectionate concern for another person? A passionate attraction to someone else? A beloved individual? A strong liking or enthusiasm towards others?  Is love cherishing a loved one or a family member?  Is love adoring someone in particular?

How would you define love? What would cause you to say "I love you" to someone? What would cause you to "love" something or someone? Is it the type of love you see on a Hallmark movie?  Or even in a romantic novel?  Is it family love or friendship?  Is it brotherly/sisterly love?

And, on another level, how would you describe a parent's love?  Is it sacrificial?  It is unconditional or conditional?  Or, is it a duty that has to be done because children are not able to take care of themselves? I think that subject would take days or years to define!  And, there is definitely more to being a parent that meets the eye as basic duties of a parent!

There are questions and upon questions on love...what question do you have about love?

I Corinthians 13:1-3 says:  "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries  and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."

Would you give all you possess to the poor?  Would you burn at the stake for someone you loved? Think about it.  What degree would you go to for love?

Love is defined very differently in the Bible than the Webster dictionary.  

Agape love is selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love.  It is the highest of the four types of love in the Bible. 

Phileo love is a friendship type of love.  

Storge love is affection. 

And, finally Eros love is romantic love.

Which type of love presents itself in your life on a regular basis? What would you give up for love?  Or who would you do anything for,  for love?  

And, how about ALL for love?  Would you give it "all?"  Is there a specific cause you would give everything up to help? Would you sponsor a child with Compassion International or a similar organization to love a child that has nothing or very little?  Would you do that for 18 years or longer? What about your own kids if you have them.  What would you do to love them completely?

And, finally, would you give your life for another person if it came down to it?  Or, would you give up your life as Christ did on the cross for an entire humanity of people whose sins, mistakes or choices need atoning for?  

Love is a very deep subject to ponder....and a topic that is vital to our families and lives....we can choose to love deeply and give "all" for love or not.  

How do you choose to love?  Deeply or on the surface?  Carelessly or carefully? Conditionally or unconditionally?  All or nothing?

Continuing from the verse above, verses 4-13 say it all:

"Love is patient and kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not haughty or selfish or rude.  It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered.  It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.  When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.  When I became a man, I put childish things behind me.  Now I see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And, now these three things remain:  Faith, Hope and Love.  But the greatest of these is LOVE."

So again, what do you say love is?  How do you choose to love those people in your life?  Choose carefully.  It has lasting affects on those you love or choose not to love.