Sunday, May 5, 2019

Shattered in a Million pieces...

When your heart is shattered in a million tiny little pieces, where do you go?  What do you do with all those tears?  All those fracture lines on your heart?  What can possibly console you?  Who can console you?  These are questions from deep in my heart.....deep in my soul.

I wonder how God takes all the tears we shed and heals us when His heart is broken because of us every single day.  When does God cry?  Who does He cry to?  How does He heal His broken heart?
All rhetorical questions.

And yet, I imagine that our rebellion and all the many ways we have turned our back on God is devastating.  Truly, I can only imagine all the pain that I have caused my Lord and Savior.  And, it hurts me to know that I have turned my back on Him in the past.  I have chosen my own way.  I have chosen to ignore the inexpressible and glorious joy that only He can offers and I have gone astray.  How is that possible when I love Him so very much???

This weekend, events occurred that made me realize that once again I am devastated and my heart is broken.  And, there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it.  And so, I turn to the Serenity Prayer:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."  Acceptance, courage, wisdom.  I ask once again to receive these gifts of the Holy Spirit.  It is the only way I can make it through the day.

Acceptance:  The one thing that I wanted most in all this world has turned away.....has decided not to follow God....has decided that the way of this world is better than what God offers.  How is that possible?  All the faith, all the hope, all the love, all the joy that I tried to pour out has flowed downstream to a pool that is not even close to what I imagined nor near God. 

Courage:  I have to ask: "What went wrong?"  Not as a pity-party, but as a real question that needs an answer. How does God want me to view this situation?  And, what does He want me to do next?

Wisdom: As an awareness that all the hopes and dreams that I had when I was 20 or 23 years old are gone.  There is no turning back.  There is no way to control what has happened in the past.  There is no way to relive my life.

And, so I trust.  I accept.  I have courage.  I ask for wisdom. 
All my experience, strength and hope point me to the One who can heal me.  To the One who can make me whole again.

God answers Knee-mail - did you know that?  The more I drop to my knees and make knee prints
on the floor in my bedroom, the more I know that God hears my cries for help and answers my prayers.  The more I read His Word in the Bible, the more I realize His unconditional love is there for me.  He covers me with His feathers and under His wings I find a place of refuge from the storm.

2 Chronicles 7:14 has become my mantra at 7:14 a.m.every morning.....
"If my people, who are called by My Name, shall humble themselves and pray, if they will seek My Face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from Heaven and I will forgive their sin and I will heal their land."

Humble themselves......and pray......seek His face.....and turn from our wicked ways.....
What comes with that prayer?  Forgiveness of sins.  All of them.  If we know Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, only He can forgive us, only He can heal us.

And, so, I believe.  I have hope.  I let go and allow God to work in the life that brought me life.  I release.  The shattered pieces are gathered and put into a mosaic of my life.  Into a new heart.  Into a new journey of trust.  A golden layer of forgiveness shines through the shattered pieces.  My heart begins to beat again.