Monday, July 28, 2014

Trusting Ourselves....

Well, here is Part 2 on trust, as I am reminded by several responses to the first blog on the concept of trust that trusting ourselves is a key component as well to the concept of trust.

Melody Beattie (one of my favorite authors) in her book "The Language of Letting Go" reminds us that trust can be one of the most confusing concepts in recovery from life!  She has helped me to realize that learning to trust myself is one of the most important issues that I can face on a daily basis.  Many of us don't trust ourselves enough, so we go around asking other people what they think about a certain issue or topic.  We don't think we are smart enough or have enough experience to trust ourselves.  Or perhaps, we have made several mistakes in the past that have had monumental consequences, so we just don't want to take that chance again.  Think about that though - did you learn from the mistake?  Did you grow from that mistake?  Are you willing to try something new or take a different point of view based on the outcome of the past mistake?  Many times, we just need to realize that we need to slow down and have patience in making decisions or in thinking before we take action.  As you may imagine, patience is not my biggest virtue!  However, over the past 14 years, I have learned many, many things and waiting is one of the things I have asked God to teach me how to do.  It has been a hard lesson, but a very, very good one!  
I am learning to trust my own judgement now more than ever.  I used to think everyone else was smarter than me, or had more experience than I had in a particular area, or just "knew" better that I did.  Certainly, there are experts in various fields that can help us along the way, but in the basic things of life, we need to learn to trust ourselves.  Yes, it may be prudent to ask someone else how to build a deck or put on a new roof, but when it comes to matters of the  heart, you are the only one who truly knows your own heart.  Listen to that still, small voice in your head and your heart.  What is your heart saying?

I know that many people may have had trust issues in the past with a sibling, parent, spouse or someone very important in their life.  I do not mean to diminish that situation or experience.  Some people really should NOT be trusted.  Trust your instincts if that is the case!  However, did someone tell you that you could not trust yourself?  If so, did you believe them because they were older than you?  Smarter than you?  Or, because you did not realize you had the opportunity to trust yourself yet?  The process of growing up sometimes holds tenuous moments of learning things on our own.  Sometimes, we just need to learn that we CAN trust ourselves.  We ARE smart enough.  We DO have enough experience to make this decision or make that choice.  Trust is a process that we LEARN. 
Just as babies trust their parents and/or caregivers to give them the nourishment that they need, so we need to learn to trust our instincts, our thoughts, our opinions.  Not everyone else is smarter than we are.  Honestly.

And, some may be dealing with an issue right now that is detrimental to their lives or have been betrayed by someone they truly thought was on our side.  Acknowledge that betrayal.  Carefront that issue with yourself and with that person, if possible.  Then, move on, move forward.  Offer forgiveness, if possible.  And, don't forget to forgive yourself if you have made a mistake or two in the past.  We all do..........that's how we grow and learn!!!
When we learn to trust ourselves, it is a very wonderful feeling - it is also a gift that heals our heart.  Sometimes we make mistakes....sometimes we need to change our mind.......sometimes we need to re-think a decision or a relationship based on new information.  We really DO know in our hearts what is best for us - we really CAN rely on ourselves to make good decisions.  We really can trust that we will come to know the right answer for us in time.  Ask for guidance in your prayers - ask God to show you the way, then use the answers you find to move forward.  Use your own judgement as to whether or not something is right for you.  You can rely on yourself........really!!!

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